Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I just blew my weed a kiss
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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