i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
