I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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