Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
