He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
