I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Randomize
