3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
