wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Randomize
