Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
