He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
