Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
