Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
