Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
