Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
