I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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