the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
we made out on top of his cat.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
