I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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