Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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