So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
