so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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