Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
you never un-have a 4some
That was before I lit my hair on fire
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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