I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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