He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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