Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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