I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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