pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
