So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Couch. On fire.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
