a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
