I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
MIDGETS
????
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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