He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
