Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
