I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
found the other keg... it's in the tree
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
