she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
