he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
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