I will die if light touches me.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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