I think I am morally bankrupt
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
