Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
