You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
