you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
