ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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