Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
