My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
i drank out of a bidet.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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