After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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