I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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