I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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