How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
