mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
