Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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