I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize
