I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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