I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
