Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
