the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
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