I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
