My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
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