The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
