and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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